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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
When is a man smartest? Before sex? During sex? Or after sex?
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During sex because that is when he is plugged into the know-it-all.
Earl walked into a drug store in Kentucky and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help him. Earl said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The lady pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with a high level of professionalism.
Earl then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'
The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister..'
When she returned, she said,
"We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do.
1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed and $3,000 a month in living expenses.
All three were great! Here’s one:

John gets sentenced to 10 years at Angola and is freaking out about his upcoming jail time. He remembers a friend, Larry, who recently was released after serving 5 years at the same prison and calls him to ask him about prison life.

Larry says, “Oh, jail life is great!” “Look, do you like great food?”
“Yes” says John
“Great, every Monday the Warden sends in some of the best Chefs in the country to teach you how to cook, then you get to eat everything that he makes!”

Larry asks, “Do you like to exercise?”
“Yes” says John
“Great, every Tuesday the Warden sends in some of the best exercise gurus in the world”, “You’ll need that exercise to shed some of those pounds eating such good food!”

Larry asks, “Do you like art?”
“I do!” John says, getting excited
“Great, every Wednesday the Warden brings in some of the most accomplished painters and sculptors in the world to teach you how to be more artistic!”

Larry asks, “Are you gay?”
“Um, no” says John
“Oh” says Larry, “You’re not going to like Thursdays then”
Rolltide and Terry were driving down an Alabama road in a beat-up, red pick-up truck with a horn that played Dixie. All of a sudden they pass a goat with its head stuck in a fence. "Hey man pull over here," said Terry. "I want to go have my way with this goat." He does, and when he is done he says, "Okay, now it's your turn, Rollie." So Rollie thinks for a second and gets a big grin on his face, then he gets out of the truck and sticks his own head in the fence.
What's better than roses on your piano?
Katfive Wrote:What's better than roses on your piano?

Roses on your violin ?
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